D-Day, We met at a local park, i faintly smiled, she returned the favor, we hugged for a long embrace, then sat down. It says that, One can reply on breadcrums IF they make 6-7 attempts IF I do want to reconcile. Since the break up (over a week ago), I have only logged into facebook twice to check things really quickly. After that evening, I never contacted him again. Yes, It will be a big risk to reply to him now since I am not so strong emotionally. 1. Because they are unable to accept their own guilt. I can’t help but wonder what happens over time in a situation where pewrson A cheats on peson B, and then dumps them for person C, the person she was cheating on person A with. Well, I dont have much choice than to move on since he already wated my 5-6 golden years. How long did it take for you to realize? In an ideal world he would be empathetic enough to deduce how much a betrayal of this kind can sting. We still had fun, he still wanted to spend lots of time with me, a beautiful gift for our anniversary + surprise dinner, wonderful sex life, he told me he loved me ALL the time. In short, I would give him the benefit of the doubt by allowing him a brief message explaining what this is about (impersonally via email). Many experts agreed that, he was a manipulative partner. You’re making a lot of sense. He said he was just as freaked out by it. I did apologize, told him I felt terribly and let him know that constantly being hard on myself affected us and I learned to be OK with my imperfections and other peoples’. so i called her out one it and said “it seems to me like you have plenty of time for everyone else except me, what is wrong”…and then that gut wrenching reply “i think we should talk about this when we see each other” i was immediately on the offensive and said “are you breaking up with me” then a long period of torture was met with “I wanted to tell you in person, because you deserve at least that”…that one sentence had destroyed me frantically i called her, we both cried and bubbled over the phone for an hour, i tried to convince her that everything she wants to do she can do it I’ve never stopped her doing what she wants but it wasn’t enough she was adamant this is what she needs to do, i demanded we see each other the following day to talk, she agreed. I would ignore him for your sake, not as a way for him to miss you. One thing we do know about creating dumper’s remorse is that enough time has to have gone by for them to feel like they’ve missed an opportunity. P.S. Don’t lie -- we all, at one point or another, more frequently than not, stalk the sh*t out of exes after a breakup. Should i just let go and accept that (despite acting like he was) he is not ready for a relationship or get on with life and hope he changes? Because his reasoning is primarily egotistic. Of course it doesn’t! I guess, all his lame attempts will finish soon and he may try to man-up and uses a much stronger attempt soon. I will surely be able to post there perhaps If you can have the same option of posting by anonymous over there without being registered. With regards to giving conflicting advice, the reason is that there is no right way of approaching these problems. 3. He had pursued me for the 2yrs of our relationship. Technically, he has already made more than 10 attempts. It’s one of those things that happen while you’re eating your dinner or playing your favorite sports. Please leave a comment. Favourite answer. 8 years ago. The point I’m trying to make is that you really won’t know if your ex is stalking you. This is a decision only he can make. He agreed, then spent 2 days saying we could talk then ignoring me. Thank you for the praise, it means a lot to me too! She parked at the top and i asked if i could talk to her for a moment, so she turned the car off, In a nut shell i said “I’m sorry we dragged things out like this, but after today i don’t think its wise for us to keep in contact, not for some time, real time, i feel like your getting some closure from what happened to us, and im still suffering, its just too hard for me to keep holding onto you when im getting nowhere, i don’t regret that we jumped too soon it was fun while it lasted but this has to be it” she agreed and added that she was starting to feel like that too, i saw the tears streaming down her face and it almost broke me, but i stayed relatively composed, i told her that she was going to be okay, and gave her my (maybe) final hug and kiss, and asked her to try be resilient for at least a month plus from contact i said id wish her a safe flight to Australia when she goes at the end of November but until then…, she nodded and i said my final goodbye. I feel like I learned a great deal about how to handle myself in relationships, but certainly from my mistakes more than anything. You are here: They may even plan to spread bad rumors about you. While he feels that passion and marriage are two different things, you can have both. 1. I surely wanted to know, what he wanted to tell but It has been more than a month now & my blank message was sent after 1 month on his message. It is something he may one day emphasize with, but probably only once he has been similarly betrayed. Thank You so much for your prompt reply. Nope. I thoroughly enjoy reading your positive comments. Its good to know that you believe in Karma. Did he briefly panic and then remembered to take comfort in the fact that he has something new and exciting? Personally, I would not reach out because it would be risky. He needs to feel the consequences of leaving me and spoiling my life. 1. But if he is unwilling to be honest with you you’re better off ignoring him for your own peace of mind. Hence, bound to repeat itself in time. It isn’t a pretty sight. I have not spoken to him from more than a year now. In a way, dumpers stalk online to reassure themselves that they’ve made the right decision. Moving on is never easy, and so the ego will do what it can to protect itself from both hesitation and insecurity. Attempting to redefine the connection with a new you 2.0, thanks to lessons learned, new context and a new drive towards a healthy relationship can be nigh impossible. But I disagree. In most cases, however, the breakup is the result of a lengthy, progressive downward spiral. Replying to him will simply show that, I still love or care for him. BIG MISTAKE. Plus, we were in a long relationship and he betrayed me by leaving me out of the blue. Feels very unfair, I was good to him and compromised on a lot (internally) to make it work and he never once did. I suppose it works the same way for all of us. As I said, he had never treated me like that, ever, in our year long relationship. I can’t advise the exact words, but I would just be honest and direct. Its a saying, whatever gors around come around. These post-breakup mistakes are all equally bad and regrettably—many dumpees are guilty of committing them. Virgo (Aug. 23 To Sept. 22) Giphy It’s amazing how relating and talking to others helped. He has even mentioned his travelling dates etc”. 3. Given the fact his ego had become a little inflated due to various factors at work and probably getting a bit of outside attention, he decided to go with it. Hes done some hurtfull things post breakup, and flauting his new girl rigth in my face. This was sent from my end recently, 1 week back, which would be 1 month after he messaged me. This podcast will help you through the first days and weeks of using 'no contact' to try and get your ex back. My question is, You mentioned that, you have also experienced Karma as you carried Lie in your old relation. I pointed out that he said he’d noticed I was happier, to which he agreed then changed his tune to, “Well, I can’t explain how emotions work”. I have been on the receiving end of this my fair share of times as well. 2. Well, As you know my story, he was cheating on me througout our relation. I can only speak from experience, but I’ve had contact from exs after YEARS of NC that amount to a belated apology. I agree that, we need to simply leave this horrifying betrayal to Karma and Fate. This is the 1st e-mail from his business i.d. I would go cold turkey until he decides (if he decides) to contact you. In a room of angry, shell-shocked, bitter, finger-pointing, and/or confused dumpees, I was one of only 5 dumpers. Somehow, I dont feel, I am very lucky in relationships. I agree with your opinion. This is why the power of no contact can save the dumpees’ face. Two weeks after breaking up, I’ve constantly looked at my ex’s FB profile even if we’re not friends anymore. What in the world do I do? Do dumpers stalk their ex Do dumpers stalk their ex Am I in denial thinking that this is not the true end? Love is seldom the issue, but day-to-day fulfillment is, hence the post-breakup confusion. I’m sorry if it sounds brutal, and as always, I could be completely wrong. Unfortunately, I felt, I was very happy and compatible with him. We have seen e/o twice at church, but I have not contacted him at all for 5 weeks. Other problem is, I dont have other source to understand whats going on in his life. Considering that, he has been contacting me every week, he may try again. Relevance. By going silent, you remind them that you are not a backup plan, and it can force them to ask themselves what having you in their lives ultimately means for them. And how long do they take? Right? Desperation is not attractive to them and neither is anything that portrays a lack of self-respect. I gave it a month and contacted him because I felt going NC would be punishing him when he did nothing wrong. He was dating this friend in his group who he claimed was just a friend. 5 hour latter she called me!! After all, it takes 2 minutes to type a Hi to an old friend? Depending on what caused you to break up with the person, will determine how long it takes you to get over them. Words are far too easy to utter, look for action that accompanies his words. And I am not really proud of it.. Things could have been easier had he simply said, “Hey–I am sorry” but He is still not saying sorry. What To Do When You’re Still In Love With Your Ex? I strictly followed “No Contact”. Sometimes, when you break up with a person, the reason isn't that you don't want to be with them. But for some people it is a risk worth taking. I said, “I thought you stopped seeing her”, and he says he put things on hold while he figured things out and he made his decision over the weekend. It isn’t at all that uncommon for love to slide into the platonic (which may be the case here) after six months. Might not get a lot of positive views, but yes, dumpers do miss the dumpee if they still cared about the them when they decided to end it. 7 Answers. Hope you remember me. Do You Ever Stalk Your Ex? Dumpers do not want to have any regrets or doubts and will often try to do whatever it takes to move on with their lives. An example of a condition would be saying “only message me if you have some important to say, not just to say hello”. I have never been so shocked in my life. A dumper acting coldly is not necessarily a judgment on who we are, or what the past relationship means to them. I’m just recovering from a long and drawn out breakup. I already think you are doing the right thing. I understand and agree. But there’s not much I can do about that. It seems unfair for him to do this when he was the one who broke up with me. 100%… And if I’m being honest here, from my experience I’d rather be dumped then being the dumper and I’ll tell you why. My 2nd question is, IF he was so keen to speak with me, wouldnt he try again and express his reaction even on my blank message? I really just don’t know. That if I do have that “obsessive” feeling, I will start looking at other profiles i.e. Wil he contact again IF I Ignore this as he is contacting often nowadays..I am concerned as I will be going out of the country next week for 10 days so my Phone won’t reach him..Kindly do reply when you get the time..Thanks again! But I know he was no longer IN love with me, although the differences confuse me, and this really bled through in that he was wishy-washy with how he felt, didn’t really seem to care about my birthday (not in a mean way, I just felt like an obligation), and, all in all, I felt like the investment in the relationship was very out of balance. And vice versa. I am moving back home this week. The topic of the third meeting was the concept of the dumpee vs. the dumper regarding long-term relationships/divorces. With commitment looming he probably wants to make sure his options remain open should the grass not be greener. 2) In these situations, where the dynamic shifts, can it be repaired with time? Plus, I received this in my separate e-mail i.d, which was surprising. I still love him very much but “stalking” isn’t going to help me in the long run. What the relationship means to him or has to offer in his mind are equated with negative feelings. 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